Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
