I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
