It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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