Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
