GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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