You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We had sex on a dog bed..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
