I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
