were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
