Plan B is the new Plan A
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
