Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
