Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
