Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
