now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
