I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
