apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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