Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
