I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I am morally bankrupt
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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