I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize