Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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