I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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