So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize