I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
