YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
