She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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