Do you still have your period?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
