The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
