I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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