I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
