There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
