dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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