I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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