we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just gargled with NyQuil
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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