I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
