Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize