mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
