Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
