Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
