Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
