hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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