The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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