I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
