My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
