i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
