all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
