if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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