Me too!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
