During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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