...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
