even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
