ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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