So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
