I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize