The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you guys were way drunker than both of me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
