Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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