Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Randomize
