I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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