Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
