guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
