This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
