I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
