What a fucking waste of an outfit
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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