yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
