It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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