then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
