dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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