Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
