Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
