You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
