I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
