i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
