ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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