he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
