Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
