was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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