forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
