He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
