her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
